Rhapsody
by ruminant
Summary: A single decision can impact the lives of many. Two senshi made a decision that saved many lives... at a cost.
1. Prologue

Rhapsody by ruminant 

Prologue

Even the best fall down sometime  
Even the stars refuse to shine  
Out of the back you fall in time  
I somehow find You and I collide - "Collide" Howie Day

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Sailor Jupiter cursed as the leaves from her attack sped past the phage. From her left, she heard her fellow senshi call out her Love and Beauty Shock attack. The phage once again dodged the attack, just as it had dodged every attack for the past twenty minutes. "It figures they'd steal the Star Seed of the school's best runner," Jupiter snarled.

Sailor Mercury stood guard in front of her princess as she worked on her computer. She ignored the sweat that ran into her eyes as she continued to concentrate on scanning the abomination before her. Sailor Venus leapt into the air as a hurdle was thrown at her and landed near Sailor Mercury and Sailor Moon. "Have you found a weakness yet?" she urged the other soldier.

"I'm trying," Sailor Mercury replied, "I just need a little more..."

"Mars Flame Sniper!"

"...time."

"Damn! Why won't this thing stay still?" Sailor Mars vented as her attack missed its mark.

Sailor Venus glanced about her. There were hurdles laying about the darkened street. The senshi were exhausted. They had attacked with too much vigor early on and expended too much energy. The battle had lasted nearly half an hour now and people were beginning to peak around buildings in order to see the famous senshi in action. The shock of seeing a monster had worn off after the first few hurdles had been thrown. "Get out of here!" Sailor Jupiter tried to shoo the spectators. They didn't budge. In fact, one grabbed a disposable camera.

If they didn't heal this phage soon, innocent people would be in the line of fire. "We don't have more time, Mercury," Sailor Venus stated, "We need to slow this phage down just a little. If he can't SEE our attacks, then he can't dodge them."

Sailor Mercury clicked her computer shut and nodded at Venus' suggestion. She shut her eyes briefly and called on her powers in a way she hadn't done for years. She felt the dampness run through her veins as she held her hands in front of her and called out her most basic attack, "Shabon Spray!"

Just as the fog closed in, Sailor Venus cried out, "Venus Love and Beauty Shock!"

The shadowy form of the phage crumpled in pain as the attack made contact. Sailor Mercury heard the voice of Sailor Moon call out, "Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!" as a beam of light shot through the fog and healed the phage. The track star fell to his knees as his star seed was returned.

Sailor Mars turned in a circle as she searched through the fog for her friends. She saw only indefinite shadows. "Where is everyone?" she called out.

"Over here!"

"I'm here!"

"Where?"

Sailor Mercury pressed her earring to activate her visor. The visor easily cut through the fog. She took Sailor Moon and Sailor Venus by the arms and walked towards Jupiter and Mars.

Sailor Venus swatted at the fog as they walked along. "Should it still be hanging around like this?" she asked.

Sailor Mercury frowned as she pondered the question. "It never did before," she replied thoughtfully, "but it's been a long time since I last used this power."

"Ouch!" a disembodied voice cried out.

"Sorry, Mako-chan!" Sailor Moon replied as she lifted her heel from the top of Sailor Jupiter's boot.

A moment later, Sailor Mars was among their group. "Let's get out of here while the fog is still giving us some cover," she suggested.

The girls blindly followed Sailor Mercury as she twisted and turned to avoid debris from the battle. Sailor Moon shivered and walked closer to Sailor Mercury. Nearby, she could hear the sounds of sirens. "Imagine the police being able to take care of a phage," Sailor Jupiter chuckled at the sirens, "I don't know why anyone even bothered to call them when we were there."

As the girls continued to walk, the fog began to thin. Sailor Mercury put away her visor and the senshi transformed back into their civilian identities. "Good night, everyone," Usagi bade while stifling a yawn.

"Don't forget about our English test tomorrow, Usagi-chan," Ami reminded.

Usagi scowled at her friend. "Now I'll have nightmares all night," she sniffled.

The senshi said their good-byes and headed to their homes. The hour was late and the battle had exhausted them all. Four senshi snuggled under their covers and fell asleep once they were home.

Rei tossed. Rei turned. She couldn't quite fall asleep. She had been in bed for nearly three hours but every time she started to doze off, she would open her eyes. She felt that she had forgotten something. With a sigh of resignation, she kicked the blankets off of her and onto the floor as she sat up. She reached for the remote control and turned on the small television beside her bed.

"...spectators say the monster had large fangs and ten tentacles..."

Rei laughed outright at the description. Apparently, the newscaster was on scene at the sight of the senshi's earlier battle. The description of the youma, or daimon, or phage always seemed to be enhanced by the citizens of Tokyo.

"...Luckily, the monster was disposed of by the Sailor Senshi. The citizens of Tokyo can sleep soundly tonight thanks to our heroines."

'Too bad the heroine can't sleep soundly tonight,' Rei thought with a roll of her eyes.

The news coverage of the battle ended and another newscaster appeared on the screen. "Yet another unexplainable phenomena has hit Tokyo tonight," the newscaster began.

Rei reached for the remote control. Maybe she could find an interesting program. "A thick fog permeated this entire area only three hours ago," the newscaster continued.

Rei's finger hesitated on the channel button. "According to witnesses, the fog appeared suddenly and soon dissipated. Officials have confirmed that the mystery fog was confined to an area of about one city block."

Rei turned the volume up. She sat straight up as the camera panned to the left to reveal a pile of twisted metal and broken bricks. "At 10:23 p.m., Sanya Keito was driving this vehicle," the newscaster pointed at a spot on the road a few yards from the wreckage, "Police speculate that when the fog rolled in, her vehicle was here. With her visibility diminished, she did not see the sharp turn in the road directly ahead of her."

Rei watched without blinking as the newscaster continued, "She hit this office building head on. She died on impact."

A picture of a young woman with short black hair appeared on Rei's television screen. "Sanya Keito was twenty six years old. She was a homemaker, wife of Sanya Katashi and mother of Sanya Daichi. We convey our condolences to her family."

Rei stared at the image on the screen until it was burned into her mind. Sanya Keito's eyes squinted slightly as if the sun had been in her eyes the day the picture was taken. Sanya Keito's hair stirred softly in the breeze. Sanya Keito's mouth turned up in a wide smile. Sanya Keito was laughing. Sanya Keito was dead.

"In other news..." Rei quickly hit the power button on her remote control. She reached into her nightstand and pulled out her communicator. She waited a moment after hitting the button until she heard a very groggy Minako answer. "Don't tell me there's another attack," Minako whined as she rubbed her eyes, "Some of us need our beauty sleep."

"No, it's not that," Rei replied slowly.

Minako opened her eyes and stared at Rei's image on her communicator. She knew Rei would never use the communicators unless it had something to do with the Sailor Senshi. "Rei-chan? What is it?" she asked in concern.

"Something..." Rei began, unsure of how to explain, "Something happened tonight. Someone died."

Minako stared at Rei's face through their connection. "Who died?" she asked warily.

"A woman. A woman died in a car crash," Rei paused, unable to finish.

Sanya Keito's eyes. Sanya Keito's hair. Sanya Keito's smile.

Minako waited for her friend to continue. When she didn't offer any more information, Minako prodded, "...and why are you so...?"

"It was because of the fog," Rei whispered, interrupting Minako's question.

The eternally upbeat blonde was absolutely silent. "Minako?" Rei finally asked after a beat.

"Yes?" the other girl whispered absently.

"What are we going to tell Ami?"

"What do you mean?" Minako questioned as her attention returned to the conversation.

Rei frowned at the other girl. This was no time to be dense. "It was her attack that caused the fog, Minako."

Minako nodded, "Oh," she replied, "Right. Her Shabon Spray caused the fog. I know that."

'I know,' thought Minako, 'I know because I told her to use it.'

"Poor Ami-chan," Minako began to ramble, "You're right. She'll blame herself. She shouldn't though. It's not her fault. There was no way to know this would happen. We saved a lot of lives tonight. A LOT of lives..."

"Minako!" Rei snapped, "You don't have to defend Ami to me. I'm not blaming her."

Minako stopped her tirade and gripped the bridge of her nose between her thumb and index finger. "Senshi meeting. Tomorrow after school," she stated, "at least the others can get one good night's sleep."

Rei nodded and went to shut off the connection. "Wait," Minako called out just before she could press the button, "Rei-chan?"

"Yes?"

"What was her name?"

"Sanya Keito."


	2. Chapter One

Rhapsody by ruminant  
Chapter One

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." - Spock

Phobos and Deimos soared through the air above the gathered group of young women standing outside the Sendai Hill Shrine. Their glossy feathers were filled with the warm air as they swooped down and landed near the girls.

"No," the pig-tailed girl whispered as she took a step back.

"Usagi-chan..." Rei began.

"No!" Usagi shouted, "It isn't possible. You didn't hear right. You made a mistake."

Ami stared straight ahead as Usagi's tirade went on. A slight breeze sent tendrils of her blue hair flying about as she shivered despite the warm afternoon sun. A pained look was on her face as her mind processed the information she had just been given. She tried to find some other explanation for the accident. She tried so, so hard. In the end, she knew there was only one possible reason for what had happened. She was that reason.

A warm hand was placed on her shoulder, bringing her out of her desperate analyzing. "Ami-chan?" Makoto's voice wavered, "Are...are you all right?"

Usagi and Rei were silenced as their attention turned to their friend. "Am I all right?" Ami asked as though she did not understand the question.

Makoto and Rei exchanged worried looks as Ami's brow furrowed. "I'm a murderer. I don't deserve to be 'all right,'" she spat.

Usagi's hand flew to her mouth as she gasped at Ami's shocking words. "How can you say that!" she cried out, "You are the kindest, gentlest person I know. You could NEVER be a murderer!"

Tears of shame fell from her eyes as she heard her princess' words. Words she didn't deserve to hear. She had killed a woman. Not just a woman... a wife... a mother. She had used her powers and an innocent person had died as a result. She should have found another way to fight the phage. She should have tried harder.

Minako chewed on her bottom lip as she watched her friend cry silent tears of self-loathing. Ami shouldn't be blamed for Sanya Keito's death. She was simply following orders like any good soldier. The senshi of love shut her eyes tightly as she stated, "It wasn't your fault."

Ami's eyes went wide as she argued, "It was MY attack, Minako! How could it NOT be..."

"Because I told you to use it!" Minako shouted in return.

Rei looked at Minako in sympathy. No wonder she had defended Ami so vehemently the night before. Minako had placed the blame on her own shoulders. She was about to speak when Minako opened her eyes to reveal a determined stare.  
Her gaze turned to each of her friends in turn as she resolutely stated, "There was no other choice. We did what we had to do to protect the innocent people that were being attacked. If that phage had killed us, who would protect Earth from Galaxia?"

The senshi were shocked into silence. This was not the Minako they knew. A hardened warrior now stood in her place. The blonde senshi's jaw was set and her eyes were hard as she continued to glare at her friends, challenging them to argue.

Ami grit her teeth and began to tremble as Minako turned her gaze to her. "This isn't right," she grunted through her clenched teeth.

Minako opened her mouth to protest, but Ami beat her to it, "Even ONE life is too much to sacrifice. Usagi taught us that, or have you forgotten so quickly?" Ami choked out in disgust.

"Stop it!"

The outburst from Usagi caught the attention of the verbally dueling senshi. Tears ran from eyes filled with pain as she regarded her friends. "Please. Please stop fighting," she sobbed.

Makoto placed her arm around the weeping girl. "Usagi's right. We shouldn't be fighting with one another. This effects us all. We fought that battle together and we will fight this battle together too."

Minako's mouth hung open as she tried to speak. She had never meant to hurt Usagi. She had never meant to hurt Ami. She had only wanted to protect innocent people from being torn apart by a monster. How could that be wrong? "I...I'm sorry, Usagi-chan," she finally got out as she cast her eyes to the ground.

Usagi looked at her friends in pity. Ami and Minako would give their own lives to protect just one person. In fact, they had given their lives for her once before. She knew Minako didn't believe what she had said. None of the senshi believed in sacrificing one life to save others. Aside from protecting their princess at all cost, Usagi knew it was their most fundamental belief. The others had always believed Usagi would find a way to save everyone. Until now, she always had.

Usagi looked up and broke the uneasy silence that had settled over the group.  
"The Ginzuishou," she said quietly.

Makoto's eyes widened as she looked down at the girl she had her arm wrapped around. "Yes!" Usagi exclaimed happily as she stepped out of Makoto's embrace, "I can use the Ginzuishou to bring her back to life. I've done it before. I can bring her back and everyone will be..."

"Absolutely NOT," Rei shouted in horror.

"But, Rei-chan..." Usagi pleaded.

"No WAY are you trying something like that," Rei stated firmly.

Tears once again welled up in Usagi's eyes as her brilliant idea to save the day was shot down. "We can't risk it, Usagi-chan," Makoto stated much more gently than Rei.

"But...I didn't die when I brought us all back after we fought Metallia," Usagi pointed out.

Ami shook her head sadly. "That was different. I know you want to make everything better but you just can't. Not this time," she sighed.

Usagi began to protest again but was cut off by Rei. "You think you doing this would HELP!" she yelled, "When you can't bring her back and you end up dead from trying, THEN how do you think we'll all feel?"

The dark haired girl blinked back her hot tears as she was embraced by her princess. "I'm sorry, Rei-chan. I'm so, so sorry. I promise I won't do it," Usagi cried.

Rei's expression changed from stern to maternal as her friend hugged her. After a moment, she gently disengaged herself from Usagi and reached into her book bag. She pulled out a newspaper clipping from that morning's paper and held it up to the others. "Her Memorial service is in two days," she stated, "I thought maybe..."

Ami looked up at the clipping and saw the face of the woman she had killed smiling back at her. "I'll go," she stated.

Makoto looked dubiously at her. "Ami, that might not be such a great idea," she gently suggested.

Ami shook her head as she said, "No. The least I owe her is an apology."

-----------------------------------------------

The sun was shining the day of Sanya Keito's funeral. Minako scowled at the audacity of the sun to show its presence on such a day. The weather should be overcast and rain should be pummeling the mourners as the beautiful woman was mourned. Shooting one last hateful look at the bright orb, she followed her friends inside the small building.

Makoto looked about nervously as she walked into the small room ahead of Minako. She felt extremely uncomfortable being in the presence of so much grief. The last time she had been in this environment was at her parents' funeral. She had avoided both airplanes and funerals since that time. She took only a small amount of comfort in the fact that the body had already been cremated.

The five girls stood huddled together at the far end of the room as the other mourners took their seats. Usagi had already began to cry quietly as she looked at the many photographs blown up and placed at the front of the room. There were pictures of Keito with her husband. Several pictures showed her with her small son.

The seats in the room soon began to fill up. The senshi remained standing as the last seat was taken. More people entered and were forced to stand as well. Apparently, Sanya Keito was well loved.

The last two people to enter was a young man in his mid-twenties and a small boy with dark brown hair. From the photographs, the girls knew these two were Keito's husband and son. The two took their seats at the front of the group as the service began.

Ami went numb as one after another, the mourners stood to share stories about Keito. Ami knew that the story about Keito wanting a pet kangaroo as a child was supposed to be funny, but she could not find a way to smile. Most of the speakers were reduced to tears by the end of their speeches.

Soon, the service was over and Keito's husband and son stood beside the doorway to thank those who had attended. The other senshi moved forward to exit, but Ami could not move. She stared at the small boy, holding onto his father's pant leg. How could she let him thank her for coming after what she had done?

"Ami-chan?" Makoto whispered as the other girls noticed Ami was not with them, "Come on."

Makoto took her by the arm and steered her towards the exit. Ami stared at the child as he sniffled and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his dress shirt. She let out a small sob as he looked up and their eyes met.

"We are very sorry for your loss," Rei spoke for the rest of the group as they stepped in front of Keito's family.

"Than..." Sanya Katashi began but the girls had sped away before he had been able to thank them for attending the service.


	3. Chapter Two

Rhapsody by ruminant 

Chapter Two

Guilt is unlike any other emotion in the sea of human feelings. Anger may drive a person to righteous action. Sadness may open a person's soul so that they can more clearly see their true needs. Fear forces a person to take action - the ever quoted "fight or flight". But guilt is an entirely different creature. Guilt gnaws. Guilt feeds upon itself. Guilt begets guilt.

In the two weeks following the incident that took Sanya Keito's life, the senshi all attempted to deal with their varying degrees of guilt in different ways. As one united group they had attended the young woman's funeral. None of them spoke of what had happened after the funeral. They were all fearful of their fellow senshi's reactions. They were all especially concerned about Ami. Although all the girls had witnessed great strength come from the petite girl, they also knew how fragile she could be. Ami never made mistakes. For her to have made such a miscalculation, at such a great cost... she would carry that guilt with her always.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Three young women dressed in school uniforms stopped at a crosswalk. The crowd was dense around them. Ami pulled her arms in closer to her body as the human herd stacked up around her. One of her two blonde companions sighed as they waited for the light to change.

Usagi glanced from the stiffened Ami to the sighing Minako. "So... did either of you watch the Three Lights interview last night?"

Ami blushed slightly and shook her head, "I was studying."

Usagi smiled at her friend and poked her in the side. "Sure you were."

Ami smiled good-naturedly and turned the conversation away from herself, "What about you, Minako-chan?"

"Well, of COURSE I watched it. What kind of fan would I be if I didn't watch all of their interviews?"

The light at the crosswalk changed and the crowd surged forward. The girls were once again silent as they crossed. Usagi thought for a moment and blurted out, "Taiki said he doesn't have a girlfriend."

"I already know," Minako replied as if EVERYONE already knew.

Usagi thought for a moment before nodding her head. "Oh, yeah... I forgot about all that spying you do."

Minako gasped dramatically at the accusation, "I do NOT spy on them."

Ami shook her head slightly as Usagi made her case. "You hide in the bushes and watch them at lunch."

Minako folded her arms across her chest and raised her chin. "I'm just gathering information. If I want to become a top idol then I need to watch other top idols and do what they do. Spying... hmph!"

Usagi snuck a glance at Ami as Minako went on about how spies were just nosey, whereas SHE was enterprising. The blue haired girl was only half listening to the conversation. She had been only partially present in her own life ever since "it" had happened. Ami would respond to questions and even make an occasional remark but she was never fully engaged in a conversation. Usagi didn't know how to help her. This time her friend's hurt would not be fixed by a trip to the ice cream stand. All she could think to do was to make life as normal as possible for Ami... for them all.

Usagi's nose interrupted her train of thought as the girls walked near a bakery. Ice cream might not help her friend, but a nice pastry certainly wouldn't hurt anything. She was about to suggest they stop when all three girls stopped in unison as they heard an inhuman scream.

"It's coming from the bakery," Usagi informed the others as she ran to the large window of the shop.

Sailor Aluminum Siren stood on top of the counter looking disappointed. Obviously, she had once again failed to collect a true star seed. Usagi felt a hard tug on her sleeve. "Come on," Minako urged, "we've got to go around back and transform."

The three girls sped to the alley beside the bakery and transformed. Minako tugged on the door knob but the alley entrance to the bakery was locked. She gave the door one more pull before she resigned. "No chance of a surprise entrance. We'll have to go in through the front."

Sailor Mercury frowned at Venus' back as the three hurried to the front of the store. Of course the alley door would be locked. What kind of shop owner would leave a back door open to thieves and vandals?

The three senshi ran through the front door of the shop and surveyed the sight. Sailor Aluminum Siren was gone. But... there was no phage. "Maybe it left?" Sailor Moon suggested.

Sailor Venus shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't see it through the window either. Maybe the target wasn't here when Aluminum Siren came?"

Sailor Moon strayed over to a shelf of sticky pastries wrapped in colorful plastic. "I wish SOMEONE was here so I could buy so..." she was cut off as a wad of dough hit her in the mouth.

Sailor Mercury went to check on Sailor Moon as Sailor Venus went into a defensive posture. "Show yourself!" she yelled.

Sailor Moon was struggling to remove the sticky dough from her face. Her entire mouth was covered and no matter how hard she pulled, it would not come off. Sailor Mercury tried to pry it off but it was no use. Sailor Moon mumbled incoherently as she began to panic.

Another wad of dough shot through the air at Sailor Mercury's turned head. "Crescent Beam!" Sailor Venus shot it before it could reach its target.

Another glob hurtled toward Sailor Venus. She leapt out of the way and saw the dough stick to the window. "It's over there!" Sailor Mercury shouted and Sailor Moon pointed.

Sailor Venus quickly turned and saw a shadowy figure duck behind a display of plastic cakes. "Venus Love and Beauty Shock!" she called out.

The plastic cakes exploded into tiny pieces that rained down on the three senshi in the cramped store. However, there was no phage where they had been. "Venus, look out!" Sailor Mercury shouted as she knocked the blonde to the ground.

A massive three-tiered cake had been dropped from the ceiling directly on top of her. She and Sailor Mercury were splattered with pink frosting as they fell. Sailor Moon punched two buttons on her wrist communicator and held it up to her face. She mumbled a bit and held the camera of the communicator so that it filmed the scene in the bakery.

Sailor Venus and Mercury got to their feet and looked around them once again. "Why is it hiding like this?" Venus growled.

Two balls of dough suddenly hit Sailor Venus in each arm. They were shot so forcefully that she was slammed into the wall behind her. The sticky mess pinned her arms to the wall. "Venus!" Sailor Mercury cried out.

Sailor Venus struggled to free her arms but the dough held her. Sailor Moon ran to try to pull her off the wall. Sailor Moon braced one of her legs against the wall and pulled on Sailor Venus with all her strength but the senshi didn't budge. "Pull harder!" Venus grunted through her clenched teeth.

Sailor Mercury stood with her back to her friends, ready for more games from the elusive phage. She activated her visor and scanned the store for the monster. "There you are," she thought as a red silhouette flashed before her eyes. This phage had some sort of a chameleon quality. Well, camouflage couldn't fool her computer.

"Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!" she called out.

A gush of water flowed from her body toward the phage. It screeched in terror as the flood drew closer to it. The stream flowed nearer and nearer to the monster. Sailor Mercury gasped as her attack folded in on itself. The edge of the wave barely lapped at the phage.

The phage stepped forward and dropped its camouflage. It was made of dough and wobbled as it strode toward the three helpless senshi. "You can't catch me," it cackled, "I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"Mars Flame Sniper!"

The phage screeched as a good part of its torso was baked. The dough holding Sailor Venus to the wall loosened. "Hurry! Attack it again!" she yelled.

"Jupiter Oak Evolution!"

The phage fell to the ground and broke in the middle like a burnt cookie. Sailor Venus fell forward as the dough holding her up let go. Sailor Moon spat the dough ball out of her mouth and called out,  
"Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!"

Light surrounded the phage and when it faded, a kind looking elderly baker was left lying on the floor. Sailor Jupiter knelt down to check on him. "It looks like he'll be all right," she said.

Sailor Moon and Venus looked expectantly at Mercury. "Did we miss something?" Sailor Mars questioned.

"I..."

"Ami-chan? You're really pale. Are you OK?" Sailor Jupiter quickly went to her friend's side.

"No...I'm not. My attack..."

"We should ask Luna and Artemis about this," Sailor Venus interrupted to save her friend from having to explain for at least the time being.

The girls transformed back into their school attire and left the bakery. Minako dropped to a slower pace and walked behind her friends. She activated her communicator and Artemis' face appeared on the screen. "Is the battle over?" he asked.

"Yeah," Minako replied, "but we need to have a senshi meeting. Is Luna with you?"

"I'm here," Luna's voice answered from off-screen.

"We're heading to the shrine. Can you meet us there?" Minako asked.

"Yes, but… are you all right?" Artemis questioned as his concern for the well-being of his charge grew.

"I'm fine, Artemis. Nobody is hurt. We just need to talk is all," she replied.

"All right then. We'll meet you at the shrine."

Minako broke the connection and caught up to the other girls. The four girls kept throwing concerned glances toward Ami as they walked in silence. For her part, Ami stared straight ahead and kept blinking back tears.

The cats were waiting for them at the top of the long flight of stairs that led to the shrine. "What happened?" Luna quickly asked as she saw the expressions on the girls' faces.

Ami slumped down and sat on the top step. "My attack didn't work," she whispered as if she still didn't believe what she had seen.

"What do you mean, 'didn't work'?" Artemis asked.

"The energy left my body but it barely touched the phage. It stopped short," Ami replied while looking away from the others, "It didn't even affect it."

Usagi shook her head. "No. It DID affect it. We could see it after your attack."

Ami gave a short, sad laugh. "It revealed itself because there was no threat. You couldn't call out your attack and Minako was immobilized. Once it realized I couldn't hurt it..."

Usagi wrapped her arms around her friend. She had also been in a similar situation. It was an awful feeling to think you couldn't fight and protect your friends. That you couldn't fulfill your destiny.

"But why?" Makoto asked, "Why would Ami's attack not work?"

Luna looked up at the defeated senshi of Mercury. "Because your attacks are tied to your emotions," she gently explained, "You all made a choice when you became sailor senshi. You chose to become senshi of your own free will. Artemis and I could not have forced it upon you. Your attacks wouldn't have worked if we had."

Rei's eyes closed as she realized what Luna was saying. She had never thought much about how her powers worked. She had faith that they would work and they did. But it was more than that. Ami had fought countless battles. She knew her attacks would work. It wasn't a matter of faith.

When Rei had first became Sailor Mars she had called out her attack because she wanted to save the people trapped in that dark dimension. She had desired to use her powers. "We have to WANT our attacks to work."

Four defenders of justice and two cats turned questioning stares upon the now weeping blue haired senshi.

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"We have to WANT our attacks to work," Rei had said.

She could still see the confused faces of her friends through her closed eyelids. They should have been angry with her, or disappointed. They should have looked upon her with contempt but they only stared at her with crinkled foreheads as they tried to understand why a senshi could possibly not want her attack to be effective. She supposed she couldn't blame them for being confused. To be a sailor senshi was to be a fighter. To be a fighter a senshi had to call upon her powers. There was nothing to be confused over.

Ami rolled onto her right side and looked out her bedroom window. The stars were obscured by the lights of Tokyo. Only a small sliver of the moon was visible through the light pollution. She couldn't see it, but she knew that there was a small point of light in the heavens that belonged to her... whether she deserved it or not. Whether she wanted it or not. DID she want it?

She wanted to help people and ease their suffering. That was all she had ever wanted. It was why she dreamed of becoming a doctor. It was why she had become a sailor senshi. She had reconciled her passive nature with the constant battling required of a defender or Earth. She rationalized the fighting as a means to an end. That end being the peace that would come once Usagi had her throne. Of course Ami wanted to be able to study in peace and quiet, but she was willing to make sacrifices in order to ensure that bright future.

She was willing to make sacrifices...

Once again she wondered if Sanya Keito would have willingly given her life in order to save the lives of others. From what she had heard at the woman's funeral, Ami was fairly certain she would have. What gnawed at Ami was the fact that Keito was not given that choice. It was one thing to be offered the opportunity to become a sailor senshi and protect the world. It was another to be FORCED to give up your very life just to make it easier for those protectors to defeat a monster.

Ami strained her eyes to see the twinkling celestial object she knew she would never be able to see. Did she want to be a senshi? Of course she did. She still wanted to protect innocent lives. But that wasn't the important question.

Did she want to use her powers? Her powers had saved the lives of innocents and her fellow senshi countless times. Even the seemingly weak Shabon Spray had been crucial to many successes in battle. She had used the attack to blind and confuse the enemy. The same attack that had kept her loved ones safe had taken an innocent life. How could anything capable of killing a human being be good?

Ami was now the one blinded and confused.


End file.
